Ma and Confessions of A Broken Heart

“ She used to be my only enemy and never let me be free

Catching me in places that I knew I shouldn't be

Every other day I crossed the line

I didn't mean to be so bad

I never thought you would become the friend I never had. ”

-Spice Girls’ “Mama”-

I wasn’t an anak manja with my parents, really! My college’s friends wouldn’t believe this though (‘coz I always act like one huhu). We are a big family, got eight siblings (only one a boy) and I understand if ma tak manjakan siapa-siapa pun. Susah tau nak jaga lapan anak dara (fuiyooo I salute la kat you, ma!)

I was the black sheep (?!) I guess… ‘coz I was always so slow. Ma always said that I lack in EQ even though my IQ is quite high. I lived with my grandparents during my primary school days and only went back to my parents when I entered secondary school. Then I went to boarding school on Form 4. After my SPM finished on December 2004, I was immediately sent to UTP on January 2005. During the one month holiday, saya tengah sebok buat lesen so I don’t really duduk terperap kat rumah je. So I guess tiga tahun je lah saya betul-betul tinggal dengan parents saya, from Form 1 until Form 3.

Sejak masuk UTP barulah I got closer to ma and abah. Yelah bila duduk jauh-jauh kadang-kadang homesick la jugak. Masa duduk boarding school tak rasa sangat sebab dekat je, kat Terengganu. In UTP, I rarely return home due to distance and loads of assignments. Then now, I’m doing my internship back at my hometown, so I am living with my parents again.

Ma is 51 years old now; she was a merdeka baby then. She’s a primary school teacher and is very famous among the students (tapi garang dekat rumah!). Sejak tua-tua ni baru ma tak garang sangat sebab dia ada high blood pressure. I always though that I have a good instinct (I’m a Pisces) but ma punya instinct lagi la kuat. She always knows if something bad happened to me. She wouldn’t ask though. She would just wait until I come to tell her what had happened. It’s always been like that for years.

Some times ago, I was hurted, again. Saya sangatlah down tapi cuba menyembunyikan kesedihan saya but ma can see through me. She just won’t ask. I waited for a perfect time, then I told her of what happened. Everything. Ma just listened to what I have to say, how I loved that person so much and how he broke my heart just like that.

Everyone would say that it was my fault. I shouldn’t choose him in the first place. I’ve heard this millions of time. But ma….she said “It’s not your fault if he’s not the one…how would you know that beforehand?” I was relieved to hear that from her. She’s right. Lepas tu saya teringat satu quote yang bunyinya lebih kurang begini….

“Kita akan berjumpa dengan ramai lelaki (in my case la) yang salah sebelum menemui orang yang betul. Itu cumalah ujian untuk menguatkan dan mematangkan kita kelak supaya tidak mengulangi kesalahan yang sama.”

…macam tu lah kot..hehe

Madness Love

I like this very much I even paste it on a forum..hehe…

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it, God had put all the human "qualities" in a separate room. Since all the qualities were bored they decided to play hide & seek.

"Madness" was one of the qualities and he shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek "Madness", all the other qualities agreed. So "Madness" leaned against a tree and started to count:

One, two, three..." As "Madness" counted, the qualities went hiding. "Treason" hid in a pile of garbage.. "Lie " said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake. And Madness continued to count "... seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..." By this time, all the qualities were already hidden-except "Love ".

For stupid as "Love " is, he could not decide where to hide.

And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide "Love".

"Madness": "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when "Madness" got to one hundred..... ...."Love" jumped into a rose bush where he hid.

And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!" As Madness turned around, "Laziness" was the first to be found, because "Laziness" was too lazy to hide. "Madness" searched madly and found "Lie" at the bottom of the lake. One by one, Madness found them all - except Love. Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love.

Envious of Love, "Envy" whispered to "Madness ": "You only need to find Love, and Love is hiding in the rose bush."

"Madness" Jumped on the rose bush and he heard loud cry. The thorns in the bush had pierced "Loves" eyes.

Hearing the commotion God came into the room and saw what had happened. He got very angry and cursed "Madness" and said since "Love" has become blind because of u... ..u shall always be with him"

And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness.!

Falling Hazard!!!

Few semesters back, I undertook HSE classes, as a fulfillment of UTP academic requirement. HSE which stands for Health, Safety and Environment has been one of the most important issues for PETRONAS, that’s why the course is compulsory to all students in UTP.

It’s not HSE that I wish to blog about. It’s about one of the chapters in the course, entitled FALLING HAZARD. Throughout the topic, I learnt that how easily people can get killed when falling at such height and velocity (which I forgot hehe…4 or 6 meters isn’t it?), but what amazed me the most is the quote that our lecturer put in the slide shows.

“IT’S NOT THE FALL THAT KILLS PEOPLE…IT’S THE SUDDEN STOP”

Just before the lecture, I have never thought it that way. I always put it as

“that person died from falling off the hotel window”

“the man jump from the bridge and died”

… and something like that.

Well… you might see no difference from both falling and the sudden stop. Yes it’s true that sudden stop is caused from falling action. However, they are still two separate things. For example, we can see in film or drama shootings, when the action hero jumped from a high place, he actually land down on the mattress or something softer that can uplift him back a few times before he really land on it. He fell, but he did not experience the sudden stop, so he didn’t get killed.

I have forgotten about the lecture as years passed by, but then again I saw a friend’s Google talk status citing the quote, just a few days back. Even after two years, it still amazed me, because I happened to express the quote in other situation.

“It’s not wrong for u to love a person and make her (or him) fell for you, but it will kill her (or him) when u stop loving.”

Just when you thought that you really liked that someone and want to take a move, please think it twice,or thrice…whether the feelings would last…or you would simply dump that someone when unexpected things happened. Because if you do so…you could be a murderer.

Something to ponder….

A New Beginning

Hi I'm just starting to blog. Hope this new hobby will last, not like my friendster blog which I just terminate some times ago hihihi....

Since I will be doing my internship until January 2009, I guess I'll have so much free time for blogging, apart from reports and tasks from my supervisor.

Will be using a lot of English to empower my language skill. 'Coz next year is my final year in college, I want to be fluent in high level English. Beneficial for Final Year Project as well as job interviews. hehehehe....