Ma and Confessions of A Broken Heart

“ She used to be my only enemy and never let me be free

Catching me in places that I knew I shouldn't be

Every other day I crossed the line

I didn't mean to be so bad

I never thought you would become the friend I never had. ”

-Spice Girls’ “Mama”-

I wasn’t an anak manja with my parents, really! My college’s friends wouldn’t believe this though (‘coz I always act like one huhu). We are a big family, got eight siblings (only one a boy) and I understand if ma tak manjakan siapa-siapa pun. Susah tau nak jaga lapan anak dara (fuiyooo I salute la kat you, ma!)

I was the black sheep (?!) I guess… ‘coz I was always so slow. Ma always said that I lack in EQ even though my IQ is quite high. I lived with my grandparents during my primary school days and only went back to my parents when I entered secondary school. Then I went to boarding school on Form 4. After my SPM finished on December 2004, I was immediately sent to UTP on January 2005. During the one month holiday, saya tengah sebok buat lesen so I don’t really duduk terperap kat rumah je. So I guess tiga tahun je lah saya betul-betul tinggal dengan parents saya, from Form 1 until Form 3.

Sejak masuk UTP barulah I got closer to ma and abah. Yelah bila duduk jauh-jauh kadang-kadang homesick la jugak. Masa duduk boarding school tak rasa sangat sebab dekat je, kat Terengganu. In UTP, I rarely return home due to distance and loads of assignments. Then now, I’m doing my internship back at my hometown, so I am living with my parents again.

Ma is 51 years old now; she was a merdeka baby then. She’s a primary school teacher and is very famous among the students (tapi garang dekat rumah!). Sejak tua-tua ni baru ma tak garang sangat sebab dia ada high blood pressure. I always though that I have a good instinct (I’m a Pisces) but ma punya instinct lagi la kuat. She always knows if something bad happened to me. She wouldn’t ask though. She would just wait until I come to tell her what had happened. It’s always been like that for years.

Some times ago, I was hurted, again. Saya sangatlah down tapi cuba menyembunyikan kesedihan saya but ma can see through me. She just won’t ask. I waited for a perfect time, then I told her of what happened. Everything. Ma just listened to what I have to say, how I loved that person so much and how he broke my heart just like that.

Everyone would say that it was my fault. I shouldn’t choose him in the first place. I’ve heard this millions of time. But ma….she said “It’s not your fault if he’s not the one…how would you know that beforehand?” I was relieved to hear that from her. She’s right. Lepas tu saya teringat satu quote yang bunyinya lebih kurang begini….

“Kita akan berjumpa dengan ramai lelaki (in my case la) yang salah sebelum menemui orang yang betul. Itu cumalah ujian untuk menguatkan dan mematangkan kita kelak supaya tidak mengulangi kesalahan yang sama.”

…macam tu lah kot..hehe